Deja Vu *is* Never Tame

Morley and I had an unexpected free night so what to do? Downtown L.A. to 4th and Hill? As much fun as Club Fantasy was and same for Desire, we knew that business demanded we visit someplace different. So cheap bastards us, we perused the LA Weekly and chose for no particular reason other than a freebie entrance coupon to visit Deja Vu in Van Nuys (Raymer at Coldwater Canyon).

Frankly we had low hopes because of the service we had at Desire, the fun we had at Club Fantasy, and our own experience that club chains are usually ripoffs. A strip joint usually means sitting, conserving your cash, fending off the persistent plea of "wanna lapdance?", looking for that one special dancer...

Well, Folks, it's over. While Deja Vu was frankly nothing special...

Good:

The folks manning the outside were friendly.

The waitresses were also friendly and conveniently doubled as ATMs.

The room was like Desire - one big stage with rows of comfortable chairs horseshoeing around it.

DJ played a nice mix of music.

No strobe.

Just a couple of "niche" dancers. In fact, most were rather cute.

Place got hopping as the night went on.

Minimal tattoos. The only over-tattoed woman there was a waitress.

Bad:

DJ was too street in talk. It sounded rather demeaning and ruined the class.

The music did get louder as the night progressed.

...it's over for one reason, that one special dancer. She calls herself "Never Tame". She has "It" - the presence, the poise. She's, well, not button cute or drop-dead gorgeous but eerily captivating and definitely pretty with amazing challenging eyes.

We have a game. We like to stare at dancers when they're doing their routine just to mess with them. They're trying to get us to look at their bodies and our game is to stare at their eyes. It's unnerved quite a few dancers.

"Never Tame" called us out. She had Morley hooked when she asked him why he wouldn't look at her eyes. Whoa-effing-A! He hadn't and she got him.

Presence. She has it.

Poise. She has that too.

Personality. She played us both like it's nothing to her. She gave us sass backed with intelligence. That's a rare and fantastic combo. She didn't bug us about wanting a lap dance after the first inquiry. She kept coming over to visit and let us dig ourselves deeper.

Plus there was this element of, well, danger. Sure, she's sweet and friendly but there's another side.

Some kid was celebrating the Big 18 so they brought him up on stage and sat his scrawny ass down in a chair against a pole. Nevertame was first up and she sat on his lap facing him. She started a slow grind then - BAM! BAM! - she thrust viciously, violently against him. I thought she'd broken the chair or pole it was that forceful. Then she got up and was calm. We were shocked. Hell, we were scared when she came over to us to talk. Please don't kill us.

Body. I thought she was a gymnast. She has that type of athletic build - muscular but not a steroid monster - and when she did her pole dance... I'd never seen a pole dance like what she did, including swinging from the rafters. The crowd went nuts. We felt really bad for the dancer that had to follow her.

Her body was tight. Perfect? No. It was obvious she had some work done upstairs but, again with her presence, it didn't effing matter.

No tattoos.

She looked like she belonged in an action flick, that type of powerful (yet super sexy) body. I said that to her. She replied that a lot of people say that to her:

Never Tame: "They say I look like that girl in Resident Evil."

Lester: Milla Jovovich?

Never Tame: Yeah. Is she pretty?

Lester: She's smoking hot!! You do look like her.

Never Tame: Yessss!!!!

But now that I think about it, it's not Milla Jovovich she reminds me of, it's Jessica Biel. That's not a downgrade either.

So readers that's it. It's over. You go to Deja Vu for one reason: Never Tame. Find out if she's working that night. Break out the major bills and have a "Never Tame Special". If you're like Morley and myself, you'll consider becoming a regular of hers.

And if she switches clubs, you switch with her. She's Number One - the best dancer we've experienced. Period.

I have to go reset my pacemaker.