Denver

The bar for strip clubs for us is Shotgun Willies. It's not full nude, only topless but what makes it stand out are:

• Service - Need change? "Yes Sir!" Need that cigar clipped? "Yes Sir!" They get it. THEY GET IT!!!
  
• Atmosphere - We got there early and the place was rocking. It got even more crazy as the night went on. Yet there was class and control. Also, the stages were always active. No downtime (get a clue Los Angeles!!).
  
• Fun Girls - They had personality. They knew how to play, talk, flirt...just have fun.
• Booze - A couple of beers really does help things (get another clue Los Angeles!!) however it wasn't necessary. The place wouldn't been fun without a couple tall ones.

We did Shotgun Willies the first night of our visit to Denver. The next night we, with raised hopes thanks to the previous night, went downtown to La Boheme Cabaret. I'd add in a link but their link is dead, and that's how we felt after a half-hour in the place. Skank City would be a better name. The girls were tattooed with no personalities. There's a major IT-type corporation nearby and the night we visited La Boheme, their was a large group of twenty-something's who apparently had never seen semi-naked girls before. They were more entertaining than the dancers. One guy was going around throwing dollars in front of his buddies so as to attract the girl over. WOW!!!

But no comparison. In Denver, Shotgun Willies is the place to go.

Orlando

At different times Morley and I found ourselves in Orlando. One would think that with all the amusements parks and entertainment for the kids, that they'd have the same level of quality for adults.

But for myself and Dimm Brother-in-training Randolph, we were not impressed.

We visited the Doll House and maybe it was the wrong time of day or year, but the music was too loud, the girls too desperate, and the service too annoying. We lasted maybe a half hour if that much.

We considered going across the street to the Cabaret Internationale - South but the doorman told us it was more of same, and that the Doll House was the better of the two.

Pity.

Lexington

Lester: We found ourselves in Lexington about a year ago - Business, of course - and in search of entertainment. The Lexington Yellow Pages listed a few choices and as is typical of us we decided to take a look at them all.

The outcome wasn't good. We found a nice, modern Hustler Hollywood store but that doesn't count as entertainment.

We ended up at [where the fuck did we end up] which was essentially skank city but we saw something new, something that perhaps more clubs should employ when things are slow and the customers are relatively few. This place did round robin lap dances. The girls would give quick lap dances to every customer - about 1 minute or so - and the customers would pay a dollar. It was a clever idea even though in our case we suffered through like 90% skank and 10% decent.

Morley: I totally agree with you Lester. It was a great marketing idea. It kept all of the girls on the floor and working all of the customers. Too many times the girls will work the floor and skip guys who appear like they will not pay for a lap dance. Maybe they are just shy. This idea put almost every girl with every guy and made the guys feel comfortable. I liked the idea (plus it put some quick money in the girls hands).

Pity that Xposed or Rouge near us don't do something similar.

Southern X-posure Cabaret

Lester: A little while ago Morley and I had the need for a trip so we went to Salt Lake City. Actually we stayed in Salt Lake City but had business elsewhere.

Salt Lake City is a fairly clean and utterly boring city. The place is schizophrenic. Temples and tattoo parlors on every block. You can get booze in a restaurant...by the ounce. Porno mags and videos are under glass, depriving you of the very vehicle to help procreate. Go figure.

And then there's the Entertainment, or lack thereof. We found ourselves entering the finest Adult establishment in SLC: Southern X-posure Cabaret. This place advertised as full nude but wasn't even topless. Pasties! Freakin' pasties.

Morley here: Lester, these things that you have described as pasties were more like table cloths. Why even go in there except for the fact that there is nowhere else to go.

Granted, a couple of the girls could dance but we found ourselves so annoyed that we left. One thing that was unique to our experience was that after the dance the girl would come around and give us a peck on the cheek. It was nice when the first girl did it. Only when the second came around, gave us the peck, and opened her garter did we realize the true nature of the kiss: give them a buck.

Morley again: I got excited for a second there Lester when that first girl came by. I thought, what a nice idea she had!! Sorry but I was pissed that it was what it was.

We would have, maybe, probably not.

Salt Lake City can keep it's bikers, temples, and tattoo parlors as their entertainment. We'll take L.A.

Sorry again Lester, but that place in Denver "Shotgun Willies" ranks very high on my list.

Dimm or Dark

Lester: Back in the day when the Pussycat and Yale Theaters reigned in Santa Monica, when porno movies were somewhat like real movies, with plot lines and attempts at acting, back before gonzo, tattoos, bukkake, Internet...back when things were innocent.

"For the latest Pussycat information, be sure to check the Entertainment pages of the Herald Examiner." I heard that enough times.

That's where we came in. Annette Haven, Leslie Bovee, Desiree Cousteau, Linda Wong, Marilyn Chambers - they were part of the first wave and to watch you had to go to a theater. You could and I did stay all day, watching double features and wonderful previews. I'm still pissed that the preview for "Tigresses and Other Maneaters" showed a fisting scene but the film didn't have it. Go figure.

Then video killed the theaters and you got a second wave with the likes of Ginger Lynn, Traci Lords, Chrisy Canyon, and the Dark Brothers. That's when Morley and I said "We could do that" but we never did. We were and still are Dimm.

During this time we frequently visited Music Odyssey on Wilshire as they had an amazing selection of adult VHS tapes and every month there were more. This was when we discovered the joys of amateur video with the Homegrown and other series. International videos started to pop up. Life was good.

Then DVD kicked out VHS and we had more, more , more. Gonzo took root. Compilations of crap flooded the market. There were and are few shining lights: Red Light District, Anabolic/Diabolic, Evil Empire.

And now as a threat to DVDs - the Internet with pretty much every thing you desire and then some. Amateurs, Bukkake, Animals...it's out there.

And through the changes we remained Dimm.

So why are we now posting? (1) Because we can. We lived through amazing changes that most young uns don't know and likely can't appreciate. (2) Because we have crap to say and likely you do too. (3) Because we're not all hung like John Holmes or have the ability of the Hedgehog (even with his looks). We're average Joes, the Consumers of Fine Filth, and the Fine part is getting harder to find.

Your thoughts Morley?

Godfathers

Lester: We recently visited the other West Valley strip joint - Godfathers. Thankfully we lived to tell the tale but I had doubts about our survival. The neighborhood is OK but the place comes off a bit seedy. The doorman told us the girls were fine and there were 13 working that night. He was off by 5, or 4 if you the Latina Mama-san.

The place caters to a lower class of strip club dweller and that's fine. it just wasn't our level. The girls were, with few exceptions, tattooed and couldn't dance. A couple could hold a conversation but they weren't the type that got my interest. Sadly as we were near leaving the finest girl - Candy - danced. She didn't grind like the others but was more carefree. She had a *nice* face and body- no tats as I recall. She got some bucks out of us.

But as she finished they decided to do an All-Girls-On-Deck so any interaction with Candy was swamped by the rush of the other dancers.

Positives: They kept the dancing going fairly constantly. The price was a little cheaper than Xposed or Rouge.

Negatives: No alcohol (and you wanted it - believe me). Girls not so hot.

Verdict: Been there, done that. No thanks on a repeat any time soon.

Morley speaks!

Morley: Lester, you are way too kind. Xposed needs some serious looking at when it comes to management and what is not going on there. You cannot let paying customers just sit there and allow them to be bored. It is a strip joint for Chr.... sake. Rouge definitely had some good looking women there but needs to look at marketing. I'm waiting Lester for your review of tonites club which I will not even name at this point. I think the clubs need to start being aware that we are coming around and we do not hide the fact that we are writing reviews.

Old Farts

Lester: Currently the adult clubs to which we compare are as follows.

For full nude we fondly remember Star Strip but admittedly we haven't visited there in about...ummmm...20 years or so. However way back when the girls danced and got in your face, if you get what I mean. We have it on our schedule to visit them so we'll see if our memories are justified, see if Star Strip deserves to be the measure of comparison.

For topless we have to highly recommend Shotgun Willies in Denver. They get it. Need more singles? Yes, Sir! Need a cigar? Yes, Sir! Need the cigar clipped? Yes, Sir - immediately. The girls not only play the game but do so with tremendous personality. Best of all, the place is lively.

Rouge

Lester: More recently we visited Rouge at the location of the old "Bobs Classy Lady" which proved step up from Xposed but still rather lacking. Again we may have been there too early but even around 10 it wasn't quite as packed as we expected.

Some positives: Good food. Seriously. Fairly cheap too but drinks, even water, will cost you $5 or more.

A couple of the girls knew the game very well. Not the best dancers but they knew how to start and keep a conversation going. Too often the girls just come up with "Lap dance?" hoping they're hot enough to seal the score. Sorry, too often they're not, especially with too many tats and enhancements.

Some negatives: Hello Management! If there's no action happening on a 2-for-1 dance ($40) what makes you think the audience will spring for a 4-for-2 ($80). Stupid!

Verdict: OK if maybe late night but for those of us with priorities, who can't stay out that late, give us a break.

Xposed

Lester: Morley and I visited Xposed a couple of weeks ago. Perhaps we got there too early but we were very disappointed. 8 at night and the place was dead. We were approached by the girls - one after another - within minutes of sitting down. And why not? The place was dead. We were half the audience. About every 20 minutes or so a girl would appear on stage to do her thing. For a full nude place, the first two girls didn't bother, stopping at topless.

You get one free soda - woo hoo!

We sat there for 2 agonizing hours before leaving. In that time we saw most of the girls leave but few return. WTF?!?

Part of the problem may have been we were too early but definitely there was a problem with pacing. 20 minutes between dances won't get the crowd in.

Verdict: SKIP